i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
