one two three fourrrrnication!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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