Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize