His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
