Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
