I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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