go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
