Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
