3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
