Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
