I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
