So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize