You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
