and she was petting her beer can
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Panties = found
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
