I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
