you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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