dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
