Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
