A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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