Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
