grandma shit on top of the toilet
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
