I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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