you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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