dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
