Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
