he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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