I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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