one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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