I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
