If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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