You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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