What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize