I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
