Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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