So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
