That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
