Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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