Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
