what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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