My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
