are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
