my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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