She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
