Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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