She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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