Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Enjoy the penises
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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