I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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