dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
