I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
