I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
