shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
