I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
