hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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