I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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