I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
