Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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