I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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