she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
