the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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