Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
