I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
