you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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