I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
