It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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