All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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