is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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