Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
