WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need water and some morals
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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