she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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