Kiss
Puke
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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