look no pants
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
