No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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