Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
