That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
