You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
