1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
