MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
