Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
