He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
