also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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