Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
